by Gregg Anthony Masters, MPH
Every day, the absence of my son Anthony John Masters weighs heavily on me. The anguish and despair can be overwhelming, and when people ask how I’m coping, sometimes the most honest answer is:
“it only hurts when I breathe.”
Each morning, I ponder what Anthony wants for me and how I can honor and extend the legacy of his rich but abbreviated life. Some days, I find clarity, while on others, I’m consumed by a fog of sorrow, numbness, and confusion. Through grief support groups, I’ve come to understand that my strain of loss, that of a father mourning his son, is termed ‘complicated grief‘ – a journey of healing that will take time and deep introspection.
I’ve also learned that many who suffer such losses undergo symptoms consistent with PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, an anxiety disorder stemming from traumatic events, marked by feelings of guilt, recurring nightmares, detachment from reality, and persistent distressing thoughts.
To elaborate, PTSD can arise after witnessing or undergoing a harrowing event. It’s not exclusive to conflict zones, anyone can be affected. Events like personal attacks, natural calamities, accidents, or other traumatic experiences can be triggers. Symptoms span severe anxiety, vivid flashbacks, nightmares, and obsessive thoughts about the incident.
This description resonates with my daily reality. Despite seeking guidance from various grief experts, from spiritual leaders to mental health professionals, maintaining a consistent sense of purpose and control often feels beyond my grasp.
Allowing myself the grace to prioritize healing often seems unattainable.
With this post, I pledge to challenge the downside of a ‘rudderless‘ team based care culture in medicine. I recognize it’s a monumental task, necessitating collective effort to rectify this sometimes lethal flaw in our intricate yet frequently underachieving healthcare system.
It will take an army to change the culture of medicine that, absent leadership, enables this potentially fatal downside of the admittedly challenging, tripartite mission of academic medical centers’ (and teaching affiliates) to integrate education and research, with accountable patient care (the true revenue drivers of these institutions).
Please help make Anthony’s loss meaningful! Lives are on the line. Follow on twitter via @GreggMastersMPH and consider tagging all tweets with #EndNMP and #TonyForever.
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